 | According to Dean Logan of the King County Elections Department some 700 missing ballots from the 2004 Governor's Election were found in the belly of a shark that was caught in Elliott Bay close to polling places. Logan stated, "While these ballots are too bloody to discern which candidate was selected, they were found close to a voting district that went heavily for Gregoire by 100% so we must give effect to the intent of the voter by counting them for Gregoire." |
Paul Berendt, chair of the state Democratic Party, cried "This shark was clearly released by the Rossi team to suppress the votes of elderly, minorities, and the poor. I knew that Republicans were sick, but this takes voter intimidation to new lows."
The shark weighed in at over 2,000 pounds and was reeled in by a fishing vessel formerly registered under the old Soviet Republic but now operated by unions affiliated with the WA State Labor Council.
The Rossi legal team is considering an injunction to prevent the future trolling of Elliott Bay for votes. Spokesperson Mary Lane stated, "This is a perfect example of illegal votes cast by dead people and it must be stopped."
Posted by Stefan Sharkansky at April 01, 2005
11:49 AM | Email This
I love the Shark analogy too :-)
Posted by: Jason on April 1, 2005 12:03 PMI wonder where else they are going to find stuffed votes?
Posted by: swatter on April 1, 2005 12:06 PMBut if you wanted to be consistent, should not your headline have been "Rossi Camp claims to have proof that non-citizen sharks voted for Gregoire." And the story should have been:
A spokesman for the Rossi Campaign, a wholly owned subsidary of the BIAW, announced that based upon a check of foriegn sounding last names of marine life in Puget Sound, that over 100 non-resident sharks must have voted for Gregoire. "We thought there was something fishy, and since everyone knows that sharks vote overwhelmingly Democratic, we believe that this finally gives us enough evidence so that the election will be overturned, every law ever passed by any Democratic administration and legislature will be overturned, and that the right thinking people of Washington will finally be able to control this state instead of all those commie-hippie types who want to make people's lives better instead of seeing strip malls from the Olympics to Walla Walla.
Although, if you posted that, 3/4 of the people here wouldn't get the joke.
Posted by: JDB on April 1, 2005 12:06 PMThey always show up for the money. Heck, we could get Murray, Cantwell, Sims, GreGore, and the rest to participate in a swimming contest by telling them that the winner gets a $100k campaign contribution.
Fwap, gobble, crunch.
Posted by: DeadManVoting (aka Iguana) on April 1, 2005 12:13 PMAlso, what is with the constant "BIAW owning Rossi" crap. The guy worked in real estate. Do you have to be a genius to see that he might be sympathetic to their concerns?
Posted by: Colin on April 1, 2005 12:16 PMThanks Stefan!
Great sense of humor............ Posted by: sgmmac on April 1, 2005 12:25 PM
As a memeber of PETA I don't think this is one bit funny.
Exploiting the suffering of that shark for a few laughs is typical of you knuckle draggers.
If you had more consideration for the the environment and the many species now threatened with extinction, this would be a better world.
What's not being told here is how the "by products" of that shark are being used corpoporate shills to make a profit.
The fact the Stephan is known as "The Shark: only rubs salt into the wound.
Killers. Knuckle Draggers. Zelots.
What will you do when all the animals are gone?
Posted by: smoke on April 1, 2005 12:35 PMGetting your panties in a twist at "Exploiting the suffering of a picture of a shark for a few laughs" is typical of you leftist mouth-breathers.
Y'all oughta take a chill and enjoy April Fool's day!
(fool;'}
Posted by: alphabet soup on April 1, 2005 12:44 PMCheers,
Tom
Busily sending links to all the appropriate parties,
Posted by: SnoCo Voter on April 1, 2005 12:50 PMI need to clear up a misconception. According to the Democrat's Handbook of Political Parliamentary Procedure and Terminology (currently and constantly under revision) and contrary to popular belief, the practice of illegal votes being cast by dead people is not an infraction. Rather, it is the procedural equivalent of the grammatical "double negative", changing the apparant negative connotation to a positive one. For reference, see chapter entitled "Don't allow dead people to not vote". (BTW, the chapters, like all good Democrats, are entitled.)
Thanks for the opportunity to wade in...AWC
Posted by: Allen Cunniff on April 1, 2005 01:06 PMWhen we're done with the animals, we'll come look'in fer you, fat'n up... Posted by: Knuckle Draggers on April 1, 2005 01:08 PM
Do you REALLY think I'm a member of PETA?
:)
Posted by: smoke on April 1, 2005 01:29 PMThe pic actually looks like a pretty darned good photo-enhancement.
This is great.
Posted by: Sushi on April 1, 2005 01:39 PM"be able to control this state instead of all those commie-hippie types who want to make people's lives better"
Shah, right! How would they know what 'better' is - if their bong is packed higher? (Pun intended). The problem is that they don't stick to their own lives, and let each individual person determine how to make his or her life 'better.'
Reminds me of the old Reagan quote (I paraphrase): Communists are people who read Marx and Lenin; Anti-Communists are people who understand Marx and Lenin.
Kudos, Stefan - where will they find votes next? You know that when the judge is about to overturn the case, the Dems will rush in with another 1,000 'found' ballots!
Posted by: Larry on April 1, 2005 01:50 PM"We?" Did we vote on this? Or do you always refer to yourself in the plural?
Posted by: JG on April 1, 2005 01:53 PM
Your statement was so long I initially skipped over it until everyone started commenting on it. You've got some serious anger going there. Mellow out, dude. It's April Fool's (a non-religious holiday, so you should want to celebrate it with open respect and tolerance)
Maybe the lefties get all whipped up about the righties because we're so... Right!
Get your laughs in today, because of course by tomorrow we are expecting to see "humpback whale" reinserted into the actual, truthful, but less dramatic story re these newly discovered 700 ballots.
Posted by: area code 503 'er on April 1, 2005 02:16 PMTypical lefty hypocrisy.
REVOTE.
Posted by: niceville on April 1, 2005 04:22 PMwhen the animals are all gone we are coming after you, eat well!
Posted by: johnny b on April 1, 2005 07:22 PMIt's not fair to pick on headless on the weekends.
She only posts at the school during working hours.
Smoke: The satire came through loud and clear here.
The irony, reading this late, is that more uncounted absentee ballots DID turn up. Is someone just a tiny bit prescient? Nah... just able to discern a pattern from multiple data points.
Posted by: Dan S on April 4, 2005 11:57 AM