On the topic of hanging political curveballs waiting to be lined in the gap for a double, Hillary Clinton's campaign is looking for a new theme song and needs your help. The Democratic presidential candidate has a poll of nine songs at her website and wants you to select which one will be played during every one of her stump speeches until November, 2008.
I was disappointed that they didn't have selections from DMX or ICP but there are a pair from U2. I guess the focus groups say preachy, sanctimonious commercialized dirges will resonate with voters. Maybe it's because Bono is so cool he gets to wear sunglasses indoors. At any rate also included is former country music divas Shania Twain and The Dixie Chicks, a cover of a Monkeys song, KT Tunstall, Jesus Jones and the Staple Singers. Surprisingly a Motown group with actual artistic ability is here too: The Temptations "Get Ready".
I'm glad that Mrs. Clinton is humble enough to seek the opinion of a larger audience in this matter because none of the aforementioned choices really do the trick. Fortunately there is a tenth category for you to write-in a more appropriate title. And do.
Having given it much thought - and a shot of Captain Jack - I've narrowed the field of tens of thousands down to 20 valid selections. (Of course if I overlooked one please fill me in). I've included links to their music videos on Youtube as well which, coincidentally, is featuring Hillary banner ads in case you need any inspiration.
In no particular order...
Fat Bottom Girls: Queen
(I've been in way too many Seattle bars where this song is taken far too seriously.)
Dirty Deeds (Done Dirt Cheap): AC/DC
(Back before Bon Scott had his "misadventure".)
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo: Bloodhound Gang
(The first thing out of my mouth after rolling my eyes when I read Hillary's campaign was soliciting a theme song.)
Jive Talkin': Bee Gees
(Oh stewardess! I speak jive.)
This Girl Is a Woman Now: Gary Puckett and the Union Gap
(Coming soon to the Emerald Queen Casino)
Lying Eyes: Eagles
(Probably hits too close to home which is kind of sad)
If: Bread
(There was some trouble recalling exactly what "Is" meant back in the '90s. Maybe "If" is an easier concept to handle.)
My Girl Bill: Jim Stafford
(Sadly I couldn't find a video. But do enjoy Stafford's other quite appropriate offerings.)
If I Fall You're Going Down With Me: Dixie Chicks
(It's a pity that the Chicks don't play country music anymore.)
Baby Got Back: Sir Mix-a-Lot
(Seattle native's song which empowers big, beautiful women)
When the Whip Comes Down: Rolling Stones
(A New York themed tune.)
Rudy: Supertramp
(Could be used against a certain general election opponent)
Friends in Low Places: Garth Brooks
...
The Government Totally Sucks: Tenacious D
(Rock!)
George Bush is Hitler: Pudge
(A local favorite whose self-titled compilation has already reached double-zinc on the record charts...)
Honky Tonk Badonkadonk: Trace Adkins
(I believe this is a cover of the Conway Twitty song by the same name.)
Bitch School: Spinal Tap
(You know I had to include at least one tune from Tap)
Run to the Hills: Iron Maiden
(A ballad of great historical and social relevance)
You Ain't Woman Enough to Take My Man: Loretta Lynn
(They don't make women like her anymore)
Truly Outrageous: Jem and the Holograms
(Girl power!!!)
Post Script: And in case anyone was wondering I favor the Chicks or disco song.
-The Who
Posted by: Vatar on May 18, 2007 01:19 AMAlthough Pudge, I do think you need to add another verse about how Bush blew up the World Trade Center buildings.
Posted by: Jeff B. on May 18, 2007 01:25 AM"You Ain't Much Fun"
I used to come home late and not a minute too soon
Barking like a dog, howling at the moon
You'd be mad as an ol' red hen, up all night wonderin' where I been
I'd fall down and say come help me honey
You laughed outloud, I guess you thought it was funny
I sobered up, and I got to thinkin'
Girl you ain't much fun since I quit drinkin'
Now I'm paintin' the house and I'm mendin' the fence
I guess I gone out and lost all my good sense
Too much work is hard for your health
I could've died drinkin', now I'm killing myself
Now I'm feedin' the dog, sackin' the trash
It's honey do this, honey do that
I sobered up, and I got to thinkin'
Girl you ain't much fun since I quit drinkin'
Now I'm fixin' the sink and I'm mowin' the grass
You made me a list and I'm bustin' my...wheel
All broke down, tail's been (or talespin??) draggin'
It's a tough ol' life up here on the wagon
Now I'm feedin' the dog, sackin' the trash
It's honey do this, honey do that
I sobered up, and I got to thinkin'
Girl you ain't much fun since I quit drinkin'
Yeah, I sobered up, and I got to thinkin'
Girl you ain't much fun since I quit drinkin'
or, La Cucaracha in honor of recent immigration "reform" and the future of U.S. patriotism and national soveriegnty.
Posted by: jimmie-howya-doin on May 18, 2007 06:52 AMThat said, I would prefer a song that doesn't make fun of her appearance, or even make significant reference to her gender. It's one thing to poke fun, but thinly veiled misogyny, even if merely in jest, is only going to make the left more likely to support her, and we don't need that. :-)
Posted by: pudge on May 18, 2007 08:28 AMOr, wasn't it, "I am Woman"?
Posted by: swatter on May 18, 2007 08:48 AMThe Pits sung by Murky Dismal
Nothing like the thrill of black clouds falling in the sky
They make us feel so wonderful inside
It's a dark and dismal day
The perfect holiday
This could be the start of something gray
Just look on the dark side
The worst is yet to come
We'll show you how to have some fun
We'll paint you with a frown
And always cheer you down
We'll grab you with our grimy mitts and take you to the gray and gloomy dark and dingy grody grungy gross and greasy downright seeping Pits.
We'll capture your colors
Soak them up in gray
Wash every bit of sparkle away
No smiles on anyone
Just faces that are glum
And people who do nothing but complain
Accentuate the negative and be a pessimist
No better place for griping than the Pits
If your full of misery
You're in good company
We'll grab you with our grimy mitts and take you to the gray and gloomy dark and dingy grody grungy gross and greasy downright seeping Pits.
It's gloomy and it's grand
Colors here are banned
And on your birthday every year it rains
Smog and smoke fill the air
Smelly fumes everywhere
We promise you that you'll be glad you came
Here's an open invitation to our vacation spot
Enjoy the scenic filth, decay and rot
You'll be basking in the mist
Of the dark and grungy Pits
Just relax and have a gray old time
We'll grab you with out grimy mitts and take you to the gray and gloomy dark and dingy grody grungy gross and greasy downright seeping.. Honey it ain't nothin' like the Ritz...sublimely slimy grody greasy marty martious gosh it's greasy Pits...This is the Pits!
Posted by: Ragnar Danneskjold on May 18, 2007 09:25 AMSaw a monster in the mirror when I woke up today
A monster in my mirror but I did not run away
I did not shed a tear or hide beneath my bed
Though the monster looked at me and this is what he said:
He said "Wubba wubba wubba wubba woo woo woo"
Wubba wubba wubba and a doodly do
He sang "Wubba wubba wubba" so I sang it too
Do not wubba me or I will wubba you
Do not wubba me or I will wubba you
[W]e have compiled a few songs that we believe suit Clinton well (to be consistent with her campaign model, we've chosen a song for each constituency group). For the soul constituency, the Righteous Brothers' hit "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling" comes to mind. For the Southern Democrat constituency, Toby Keith's "High Maintenance Woman." For the rock and roll constituency, Aerosmith's "Dude (Looks Like a Lady)." For the blues constituency, Koko Taylor's "You Can Have My Husband." We could certainly go on, but conclude with perhaps the best find of all, for the African-American constituency, Clinton herself singing James Cleveland's "I Don't Feel No Ways Tired."
(can't decide if she's a hawk or the best thing that ever happened to KOS readers)
Posted by: Michele on May 18, 2007 11:50 AM
"I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch, yes the bitch is back
Stone Cold Sober, as a matter of fact"
Sort of continues a theme, but I haven't seen it.
Catchy tune, too!
"Sad but True" - Metallica
"For the Love of Money" - Bone Thugz n Harmony
"Eric B is President" - Erik B and Rakim
"Chocolate City" - G. Clinton and Parliament
"Invasion of the Flat Booty Bitches" - Too Short
"Castles Made of Sand" - Jimi Hendrix
"Children Need Weed" - Long Beach Dub AllStars
"Detachable Penis" - Primus
"Sympathy for the Devil" - Rolling Stones
"Whiter Shade of Pale" - Moody Blues
"Hopeless Case" - G Love and Special Sauce
"The Worst Day Since Yesterday" - Flogging Molly
"I Left my Wallet in El Segundo" - A Tribe Called Quest
"What is and What Should Never Be" - Led Zeppelin
"Break Stuff" - Limp Bizkit
"Chillin Like a Villian" - String Cheese Incident
Posted by: Palouse on May 18, 2007 12:42 PMGreat song for Hill and Bill,
"Tramps like us, Baby we were born to run"
Posted by: Obi-Wan on May 18, 2007 12:46 PMSome folks are born made to wave the flag,
ooh, they're red, white and blue.
And when the band plays "Hail To The Chief",
oh, they point the cannon at you, Lord,
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no senator's son,
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no fortunate one, no,
Some folks are born silver spoon in hand,
Lord, don't they help themselves? oh.
But when the taxman come to the door,
Lord, the house look a like a rummage sale, yes,
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no millionaire's son, no, no.
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no fortunate one, no.
Yeh, some folks inherit star spangled eyes,
ooh, they send you down to war, Lord,
And when you ask them, how much should we give,
oh, they only answer, more, more, more, yoh,
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no military son, SON, NO
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no fortunate one, NO NO
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no fortunate one, no no no,
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no fortunate son, son son son
Some folks are born made to wave the flag,
ooh, they're red, white and blue.
And when the band plays "Hail To The Chief",
oh, they point the cannon at you, Lord,
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no senator's son,
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no fortunate one, no,
Some folks are born silver spoon in hand,
Lord, don't they help themselves? oh.
But when the taxman come to the door,
Lord, the house look a like a rummage sale, yes,
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no millionaire's son, no, no.
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no fortunate one, no.
Yeh, some folks inherit star spangled eyes,
ooh, they send you down to war, Lord,
And when you ask them, how much should we give,
oh, they only answer, more, more, more, yoh,
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no military son, SON, NO
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no fortunate one, NO NO
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no fortunate one, no no no,
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no fortunate son, son son son
Some folks are born made to wave the flag,
ooh, they're red, white and blue.
And when the band plays "Hail To The Chief",
oh, they point the cannon at you, Lord,
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no senator's son,
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no fortunate one, no,
Some folks are born silver spoon in hand,
Lord, don't they help themselves? oh.
But when the taxman come to the door,
Lord, the house look a like a rummage sale, yes,
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no millionaire's son, no, no.
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no fortunate one, no.
Yeh, some folks inherit star spangled eyes,
ooh, they send you down to war, Lord,
And when you ask them, how much should we give,
oh, they only answer, more, more, more, yoh,
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no military son, SON, NO
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no fortunate one, NO NO
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no fortunate one, no no no,
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no fortunate son, son son son
"There's lots of shady characters and lots of dirty deals"
"You can see it in the headlines,
You hear it everyday.
They say they're gonna stop it,
But it doesn't go away.
FWIW, that "scandal" has as much credibility as the witch hunts the Democrats are stirring up right now.
Well, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
I really wanna know (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
Tell me, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
'Cause I really wanna know (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
You remind me of these guys (and that's meant as a compliment).
Make sure ya'll check out their song Six Guys, Ten Teeth
It's especially appropriate, for it's a song about Friday night (tonight!), boys night out. And it makes fun of the only group that it's still politically correct to make fun of: rednecks.
Posted by: Obi-Wan on May 18, 2007 07:17 PMHow about "Super Freak" for our Little Miss Sunshine?
Posted by: Andy on May 18, 2007 08:53 PMFits her to a T
Posted by: GS on May 18, 2007 09:24 PMForeigner - Cold as Ice
You're as cold as ice,
you're willing to sacrifice our love
You never take advice,
someday youll pay the price, I know
I've seen it before, it happens all the time
You're closing the door, you leave the world behind
You're digging for gold, you're throwing away
A fortune in feelings, but someday you'll pay
Cold as ice - you know that you are
Cold as ice - as cold as ice to me
Cold as ice
Hairy
Sad I remember this, but the song "Detachable Penis" was sung by the band King Missle, NOT by Primus. Primus sang "Winona's Big Brown Beaver."
.
..
...
I SO hope I don't get banned for typing that title...
"Ail-hay to the Ief-Chay."
Worried, Donny?
Posted by: Got Deleted on May 19, 2007 04:42 AM"He's got Big Balls, She's got Big Balls.
But I've got the biggest...
BALLS OF THEM ALL!!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRxArCm6P88&mode=related&search=
Then this morsel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oq5RYMrYdg
And now with special abilities to see the future, here's Hillary's inagural theme.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tn_95hdy6Nw&mode=related&search=
Thank you youtube!
Posted by: PC on May 19, 2007 11:54 PMI'm travelin' down the road,
I'm flirtin' with disaster.
I've got the pedal to the floor,
My life is running faster.
I'm out of money, I'm out of hope,
It looks like self destruction.
Well how much more can we take,
With all of this corruption.
Been flirtin' with disaster,
Ya'll know what I mean.
And the way we run our lives,
It makes no sense to me.
I don't know about yourself or,
What you want to be - YEAH.
When we gamble with our time,
We choose our destiny.
Chorus:
I'm travelin' down that lonesome road.
Feel like I'm dragging a heavy load.
Yeah! I've tried to turn my head away,
Feels about the same most every day.
Speeding down the fast lane,
Playin' from town to town.
The boys and I have been burnin' it up,
Can't seem to slow it down.
I've got the pedal to the floor,
Our lives are runnin' faster,
Got our sights set straight ahead,
But ain't sure what we're after.
Flirtin' with disaster,
Ya'll know what I mean.
You know the way we run our lives,
It makes no sense to me.
I don't know about yourself or,
What you plan to be - Yea!!
When we gamble with our time,
We choose our destiny.
Chorus:
Yeah!! We're travelin' down that lonesome road.
Feel like I'm dragging a heavy load.
Don't try to turn my head away,
I'm flirtin' with disaster every day.
Flirtin' with disaster, baby,
Ya'll know what I mean.
You know the way we run our lives,
It makes no sense to me.
I don't know about yourself or,
What you plan to be - Yea!!
When we gamble with our time,
We choose our destiny.
Chorus:
Yeah!! We're travelin' down that lonesome road.
Feel like I'm dragging a heavy load.
Don't try to turn my head away,
I'm flirtin' with disaster every day.
Note: A disaster for our country, that is!
Posted by: Obi-Wan on May 20, 2007 06:06 AM"Isn't it rich? Isn't it queer,
Losing my timing this late in my career?"
Think cantina scene from the original movie.
Posted by: Mike H on May 20, 2007 12:14 PM"Winona's Big Brown Beaver" is another good candidate.
Posted by: Palouse on May 21, 2007 08:37 AM